There is a big difference between the safe, sane and consensual play rituals and pledging rituals of the SM community with their bottoms, boys, slaves; tops, mistresses and masters, and the world of socially acceptable initiations, such as fraternity hazings, in that the mainstream social rituals have never been totally consensual. In the mainstream society there is social peer pressure to conform, to go through the ritual, to pay one's dues, whether one is interested in participating in it or not. These social rituals are authoritarian, a system of rewards and punishments. One goes through them only to survive and be acceptable, also knowing that next year that the cruelty and degradation can be passed on to the new members. It represents a hierarchy of cruelty. At minimum, hurt and anger is engendered. It cannot be expressed against one's superiors, so it can only be passed down the chain.

I remember the traditional "Rat Week" of my Freshman year, when we were at the mercy of upperclassmen, ostensibly to create "camaraderie and brotherhood" among the student body. Then, I knew it was hypocrisy. I hated it and everything it meant. It was a way of teaching Freshmen social control, their place in the cruel hierarchy, on the bottom, of course. Step out of it and you'll get slapped down. No one could resist it or else be outcast. The faculty and administration supported it. At the end of the week there was the ceremony everyone was required to attend. In it some students were publicly humiliated on stage, all in the name of good, wholesome fun, of course. This time a girl was told to sit on an old toilet which broke and deeply sliced her leg, causing permanent damage to her tendons. The rest of the ceremony was abruptly canceled. But "Rat Week" wasn't held the next year. Thank providence for small favors.

College fraternities are training centers for future elite social leaders. Thus their rituals must be more severe. In fraternity hazings there is often little responsible adult supervision of the hazing rituals. It is all too easy for youngsters to not understand fully the consequences of what they do, to go too far. And with the ubiquitous presence of alcohol responsible behavior is almost nonexistent. These rituals are often extremely cruel and degrading and have on occasion led to permanent maiming or death.

Outwardly, SM rituals may involve many of the same acts as mainstream hazing rituals, presenting a surface appearance of little difference or even harsher. But there also exists a strong ethical system regulating how these acts may be accomplished. There might be humiliation and degradation and corporal punishment. But this is only appearance, for these acts are not only mutually voluntary and consensual, but a parody, a playing out of the social rituals as theater, not for the purpose of social control. Beneath the appearance is sexual desire, caring and humor. Cruelty and anger are not permissible. One is free to decide to submit or not without social disapproval from the community. It is an individual decision.

Other than the sexual expression, this may be the crux of why SM is socially shunned, because it exposes the hypocrisy and the negative raw power relations of mainstream social interactions. The SM community knows that pain, dominance and submission can be used for good purposes, that the intent to cause pain is not an intent to cause harm. Mainstream society does not know this. Although we live in a democracy that supports human rights, still much of social interaction is authoritarian, unfair, unjust and belies our sacred beliefs.