Restoring the Radical to Faeriedom

RESTORING THE RADICAL TO FAERIEDOM

Cyrwyn, the Leatherfaerie Shaman

Compared to most people, we faeries are very radical, living many alternative lifestyles and beliefs, but has our radicalness evolved? To me, it seems that we've reached a static plateau - comfortable, complacent, not challenging ourselves. Radical means returning to the roots in a fundamental reexamination of life, also living on the bleeding edge, being able to view life in many different, nontraditional ways and attempting to implement them into our lives. Spirituality always calls us to move forward, change, grow - to be radical.

This may hurt. I think many of us may be stalled in the personal and collective realization of faerie potential. The biggest bugaboo we have is over sex. For all the openness we have for diverse lifestyles and our collective experience with sex that is far beyond the knowledge of the general population, we are not as sexually open and free as we could be. Some faerie sanctuaries seem to be almost sexless places at some times. This does not compute.

In sexual matters it is the very serious SM players who are now the leaders in the sexual revolution. At an SM play gathering a few years ago many of us were talking about how we had made sexuality a communal activity, liberating it from the exclusive private realm. We are free and comfortable to have many expressions of sex in the company of others in our little community, yet no one is forced to participate. Voyeurism is acceptable, but it isn't a lecherous, negative activity; it's an affirmation of community. This way feels natural. It connects us in a strong way, builds a brotherhood.

Where are the orgies, faerie fuck rings, spontaneous lovemaking? I'm talking about a lot more than just physical sex. Most of us don't get even enough of that. Yes, I know, AIDS squelched much of this in the bud. But we know how to handle that. There's still fear, ego, possessiveness, exclusiveness, lookism. Those are as harmful a disease as AIDS. Too many of us still haven't found the way to a greater love.

I'm not advocating indiscriminate fucking or expectations that we should be able to have sex with anyone, regardless of mutual attraction. A potential partner still must feel right. But we need to get over being too selective because that restricts us from pleasure and loving connections. Sexual activities based only on mutual physical attraction or with a deep love and everything in between are all fine. We have the capacity to bring love to any kind of sexual interaction without the expectation that everyone must be a potential significant other. Don't you feel deep down inside that a freer loving is the right way? Do you want to open up yourselves to that?

As I've grown older my attraction to a greater diversity of men has grown and I'm finding many men who I wouldn't have looked at twice are now very attractive physically and for many reasons other than the purely physical. Perhaps this is a natural progression, but I want this to happen as I open my heart to more love. Why do I care? I want more love in many forms and relationships. If it's possible for me, it's possible for you. But there's an equally important aspect of this diverse loving that can benefit us and all humankind: Sex Magick. Much of the power of faerie and SM comes from sex; it's that root power that drives magick, makes us shamans, heyokas, winktes, two-spirits, not only for us, but for the larger culture that doesn't know that it desperately needs us. I think we have a duty to fulfill that role and to purposively undermine western culture. Why? Because it is a death culture. We're already subversives, so why not fulfill our role? If we can practice magick at a high level with intention not to do harm, most of our culture cannot defend against it because most people don't know that magick is real.

The root problem with humanity is that we can't connect with, understand and love each other. Our cultures teach us to fear and hate, to divide and exploit. We faeries suffer the same fate even as we try to transcend it. It isn't easy being open. We can become stronger and more vulnerable persons, knowing when, where and how to define and set personal and collective boundaries.

The patriarchal, exclusivist beliefs of competitiveness, monogamy and jealousy are not inherent in human beings. We are equally cooperative, polyamorous and free. But we must not forget that we are social animals that have built-in social behaviors, such as a desire for social status and structure, however, we also have the ability to transcend these and envision new ways of behavior. After all, cultures and societies are only arbitrary and often dysfunctional belief systems, non-systematic aggregations of beliefs built over time from experience and speculation. Because of this, social structures are often conflicting. Cultures do change, albeit slowly, but resist change because we believe they are true. Belief is the greatest problem of humanity because belief cannot be proved or disproved. To take belief as if true is delusional and dysfunctional. That humans personally identify with their beliefs and are strongly emotionally attached to them is the cause of most conflicts ("My way is right."). Questioning a belief is perceived as a personal attack. Perhaps the need to believe served early human societies, a way to build a cosmology to understand the world, but in our modern societies it is an atavism that disserves us. Now, most of humanity is insane. We need a social therapeutics to heal this. We could be the healers.

You already know that we live in a sexually repressive society. If there was an index of sexual repression it would measure the degree of spiritual/mental sickness of a society. Ours isn't the sickest, but it is far from healthy. In that regard, we faeries are healthier than the average American, but we have yet a way to go and to be able to teach about and heal the dysfunctional sexuality of our society. When that is accomplished much spiritual/mental sickness will be alleviated and a reduction of political repression will follow.

Using the knowledge of the foregoing situation we find ourselves in, how do we achieve an open sexuality? We can begin with an intention to do it, to open ourselves to giving and receiving more love upon which only we place restrictions, for love is in infinite supply. The more you love, the more there is. Then, we can try various ways to heal ourselves of our fears of connecting with others, throwing off the cultural blinders that restrict our ability to love freely. Learning many forms of sexual practices that raise energies - SM, Tantra, yogas - to create Sex Magick rituals that can be used to heighten consciousness. The key to magical power/practice is consciousness.

We need more trust-building intentions and practices. Trust is the first step to intimacy. And intimacy leads to deeper connections. It empowers us. These deeper connections also are a ground for a more powerful magick to work. To do the great work of magick requires a collective with a shared intention and purpose. We're already used to practicing consensus and heart circles, so it isn't a big step to communal magick and sex.

Now, what do you want to do and how should we do it?